"Felt cross for being cross"...

this is so true... hmm... no matter in the life of a vet (if i am lucky enough to graduate and get employed...), or just as a person...

other ppl may not understand that u're feeling cross for being cross... and they may just think u're getting cross for nothing... well... i guess... there's nothing we can do to change what other ppl think... so... what do we do?

why bother? i don't know... i probably still care too much of what other ppl think or what they'd say behind my back... although it's not sth that i can possibly control... but I JUST HATE IT...

yeah... well... i still don't wanna show that i care abt that... which is annoying... i can't remember how many times i wanna yell at someone "shut up!"... i was told this is being rude... yeah i'd suppose so too... especially when they just always look so innocent and asked what they had done wrong... but then...

is it being polite not to say that out loud but to swear with a thousand dirty words in ur mind instead? i don't know... and why do we have to, after ppl saying sorry, pretend there's nothing even if we may not have thought so...? only that this is only accepted in this society...?

what is society? it's made up of ppl... ruled in accordance to opinion of the majority...? what is moral? why are we supposed to do this but not that? or at the very least just not in front of other ppl?

my mind is full of ????????????????????????????????????????????

what on earth am i doing?! i'm just wasting my time here and being EMOTIONAL... maybe i need some sleep... finger cross'd... i want a good dream...

everyone's got their own way of thinking... but most of them think that their values are what's "normal"... and expect other ppl think in the same way...

i must be like that myself too... must have done that unconsciously... but no matter that's unconsious or conscious... other ppl may hate it... i hate it too when other ppl try to make me think in their way...

i don't like doing sth i dislike to somebody else... but obviously i might have done that without realizing... i'm sorry... although there's no point saying sorry in here...

or maybe it's just easier if i just shut up from now on??? yeah... probably that'd be the most achievable solution... maybe... i just seem to annoy everybody around me...

every person's just different... that's why u and i are different individuals...

it's not the end of the world... no... it's not... just yet...

i'm only standing on the edge... waiting to fall...

here comes the kick... and i'm falling...

it's not a matter of smiling or crying any more... coz that's not gonna make a difference... and it's not gonna change what's happened either...

no more smiles... no more tears... no more emotions...

they're frozen... before they're expressed...

back to HK... a place i should call home... hmm... or maybe i shouldn't... lol... i'm lost...

to call somewhere home... one has to know where he/she belongs...

man... i really don't know... i don't know what i want and i don't know where i belong~!!!

wanting this, wanting that... but my life doesn't seem to be meaningful after i got those stuff... is it just becoz i didn't put much effort at all???

yeah... i need to learn how to treasure everything i already have now... i have to learn this... i know...

frds around me... my family... they're supporting me of coz... it seems that the only one who can't accept me is myself... i'm hiding myself from them...

i'm trying to be perfect... but... obviously i can't be... either can anybody else... i'm sorry... no offence... but... i mean... nobody can really be perfect...

lack of confidence??? well... maybe... i don't know... i don't want to accept that i am not capable of doing something... i don't wanna work hard... coz i can't possibly accept this truth...

but if i don't work hard... i'll be wasting all my time... this can just be harm...

right... i should not struggle any more with this prob... i should work hard with whatever i have now... i ought to try my best... my very best...

i really hope i can... i'm learning how to get myself outta my emotions... perhaps... i just need someone to talk to... perhaps... i just need a hug... perhaps... argh... i don't know...

ok... i need to calm myself down... man... i miss my car... can't tell how much i miss driving and accelerating... driving calms me down...

ah well... i better sleep... and calm myself down a bit if i can... afterall... i'm still alive... it's never too late to change... i hope...